The Goddess: One Woman’s Journey on a Pagan Path
The Goddess. Who is she? Many of us first felt a pull towards the concept of the Goddess, perhaps through a magazine that celebrated a woman's beauty or through a statement about the divine feminine within us. There was a quiet voice urging us to reach out and connect with her.
Embarking on a journey to understand the Goddess is not always easy. Society often doesn't embrace these beliefs, and there are countless stories designed to instill fear about exploring her mysteries. I remember starting my journey with a sense of apprehension. Deep down, I longed to know her, but my strict Christian upbringing filled me with fear that I was doing something wrong. Then, I discovered the book "In the Shadow of the Shaman," which taught me to trust my intuition. The book encouraged readers to discern truth from lies by feeling their resonance within. It urged us to set aside our fears and continue learning if something felt true. Fear, while necessary in dangerous situations, often keeps us from discovering our truths and walking our own paths.
I tested this advice and soon found myself deeply studying the Goddess. A pivotal moment for me was during a meeting at a college in Barrow, Alaska, where someone spoke about the "box" of beliefs we grow up in. We are taught what is right and wrong, and these teachings become our truths and values. However, as we grow older, we may realize these truths were imposed on us and may not be our own.
Agnes, a character in one of Lynn V. Andrews' books, wisely said that we cannot wear someone else’s cloak. When we live according to beliefs that don’t fit us, we feel confined and trapped. We begin to question the meaning of our lives and seek our true purpose. Many books guide us to fulfilling careers and authentic living, but is there a deeper yearning within you? Have you felt drawn to the Fey or the Goddess, yet feared ridicule? There is a reason you are searching—the Goddess calls you.
Gateways to the Goddess
Raised as a Jehovah’s Witness, my life was disciplined, filled with meetings and expectations. Yet, I often suppressed what I knew deep inside. I remember a deep connection with animals from a young age, sensing their thoughts. My father, a bit of a horse whisperer, worked with a horse named Cindy. I sensed her anger and knew she would buck him off, which she did. As I grew older, I blocked my ability to see and hear other realms, as these were considered powers of the devil in my belief system.
At thirteen, a couple in our congregation had "demon problems," and I felt a dark presence in their home. This was one of the few times my family believed my intuitive feelings. However, as I grew older, I rebelled against the strict teachings, not knowing what I was rebelling against. I tried to be a good Witness, but the teachings felt wrong. I left my husband, took my children, and moved to Colorado, where I broke free from the constraints of my upbringing.
In these years, I dismantled and rebuilt my beliefs, seeking what resonated with me. I realized truths I had been taught were lies and began finding truth in what I was taught to fear. This transformation was difficult, akin to walking through fire. I envisioned myself reborn from ashes, finding moments of peace in the process.
The Goddess Calls
At thirteen, I attended a ceremony in Haines, Alaska, that profoundly moved me. It involved returning a totem pole to its rightful place, and it opened something within me. I learned ravens were considered ancestors by the local people—a concept that deeply resonated with me. An encounter with a wise raven left an indelible mark, signaling a call from the Goddess I would understand many years later.
The Gateway of the Triquetra
The triquetra, a symbol of trinities, captivated me. Watching the TV show "Charmed," I was drawn to this symbol, feeling its ancient echoes. It represents the maiden, mother, and crone; the three fates; and various triple goddesses. Despite its adoption by Christianity to represent the Holy Trinity, I believe its origins lie in paganism.
I meditated on the triquetra, realizing it was a gateway. While writing a fantasy novel, I envisioned the triquetra as a doorway to other dimensions, much like in "Charmed." This realization deepened my spiritual journey.
I had worked with the Goddess Isis without fully acknowledging it, struggling with the idea of worshiping false idols. Sylvia Browne introduced me to the concept of Mother God, helping me embrace the Goddess fully. I learned that paganism is not idol worship; instead, it recognizes the divine in everything. As Marion Zimmer Bradley wrote in "Mists of Avalon," the Goddess has no singular form yet embodies many forms.
I discovered that many biblical stories mirrored those of pagan gods. Realizing the Bible was a historical document, I learned how Apostle Paul shaped Christianity into a patriarchal religion and how Mary Magdalene’s teachings were excluded. These revelations shifted my perspective, leading me to question the notion of false gods and embrace the Goddess.
With the Goddess, I found profound love and sisterhood. Her path is one of love. Embracing the Goddess allowed me to heal and find joy. I recognized that a particular Goddess had been with me since age thirteen, revealing herself through the raven.
The Goddess calls us to explore our truths and embrace the divine feminine within. Her path is one of love, transformation, and profound connection. May her call inspire you to embark on your journey, guided by the wisdom and power of the Goddess.
